Journey from Sahm to a working MOM

I was a full time MOM since last 5 years. If I say I loved being at home with my baby, I would be Lying. Though I had no worries and I was concentrating on my baby and home, still there was an empty corner inside my heart. I felt something missing inside me. At times I would vent out my frustration on my husband. Its all because I was not raised to be a housewife.

When I got my first job which included night shifts, my parents never objected to it. They always guided me to be self dependent but always trusted my decisions related to life. They taught me never to depend on anyone and live an independent life.

Though I was happy to be with my baby, but with a void in my heart. And when I got this opportunity to work as a Communication Trainer, I knew inside my heart that this is the one job I have been waiting for ever since.  All the circumstances seemed to fit in with each other. My kid has started to go to school and we were more comfortable leaving him at the day care.

First few days were not so hectic, thanks to my parents in law who offered to stay with us for few days so that I could make this transition smoothly. I did not have to worry about my kid as I started to go to office.

First few days were quite apprehensive. Though, I thoroughly enjoyed the change brought in my life. I felt more confident and a person whose contributions are valued. I was introduced to new people, I felt responsible for tasks assigned to me and was an asset for the company, and for which I feel so proud.

Now, Its been almost a month I am going to office, I see so many changes inside me. I feel proud when I hear my child saying that my Mom goes to office.  The biggest change I have seen in myself is that I am not a lazy person any more. I get up early in the morning and First thing I do after waking up is take a shower and that recharges me immediately. I have become more organized and I manage my time quite efficiently now. I am more patient and feel more responsible.

Personally I feel, Every person should have a contribution to the society. When I stopped working and became a housewife, even then I was responsible for my husband and my child but I didnt enjoy doing household chores. I have seen many mums doing household chores with same enthusiasm as I would work in my office. So its the personal choice but at last I would like to sum up by saying that women's inputs should matter and they should contribute towards society in any form and not just be responsible for their family well being.

Wider perspective in our Life

When we look around ourselves, we see people with happy faces. When we are roaming around in malls and market, we see couples holding hands and walking, a group of friends laughing loudly and having a good time and some families spending time with each other. many a times we think of them as so lucky in life with so much happiness and they enjoying and living their life to the fullest. 
                                                

That was the moment after which I am still getting goosebumps on my skin. We were a group of 6 members and were given a task to counsel each other. We all started by sharing the most emotional moment where we were stucked and were clueless on which direction to choose. Firstly, I was clueless about the incident which I wanted to share and then as one girl started to share her antidotes, she became tooo emotional and tears came in her eyes. And trust me, she was the most fun loving girl of our group. As she went on about her story, I went through first impression I had of her. I was envious of her on how she is living life on her own terms and doing what she loves the most. But as she started to tell us how she struggled in life made me think how everyone has that emotional dent in their heart. 

As my turn came to share my story, I was already in emotional shock after hearing one story, that I started to narrate the most difficult time of my life. As I started, I had no clue what I am going to say, But my heart started to pour out all the emotions all by itself. And I realised that yes, this was the most traumatic moment of my life but I never shared it with anyone or rather categorised it.

And then everyone started pouring out their emotions and shared their most personal story and all of us were just kept our ears on and listened without judging each other.

                                                      

Sometimes when we are stuck in a situation or when we have to take a difficult decision, all friends and relatives volunteer to give advise to us. But nobody just listens to us. The hour of need is to just listen to the the person who is going through a bad phase and just let him or her vent out her emotions. It removes the heavy baggage from the heart and the person is able to take a better decision.

After this activity, I realized one thing that all the happy faces doesnt mean happy hearts for sure. Any person whom we meet with a smile or a person about whom we think that probably he has got the perfect life, is not true at all. Every person on his earth has got his own problems. When we feel that its only me who has got all the problems on the earth, should rather talk to other people and listen to them or rather visit an orphanage or similar kind of place.

Today was quite an emotional day wherin we all bonded more as a group and that was only because we did vent out our most vulnerable feelings and others just listened to us without judging us on anything.

What being alone means to a Mom

When I wanted to take a break, it meant that I want to stay alone. No cries of my baby, No requests to get a glass of water from my hubby... No distractions at all at my home. Earlier, everyone thought that this is a wierd idea and not a feasible one. No body wanted me to live alone. Even my parents suggested to visit them for those days when my husband along with our son was going outstation to visit his parents. But I denied it all and chose to stay at home all alone exploring myself.

Below are some reasons why I chose to stay alone and how staying alone improved my outlook towards life:

1) No Dependency : This was the biggest joy of living alone. First day I was day dreaming of my son's cries asking for something or the other. And then I realised there is no one at home and no one is going to call out mommy to even get a bottle of water. At time, Moms are being taken for granted and everyone at home is so dependent on her that she hardly takes rest and is always on her toes. Being alone made me realize how peaceful life can be.

2) Indulge in my hobbies : I could write without any disturbance and distraction. That was the biggest achievement for me. At the same time, I was amazed to realize that there is no one to disturb me again and again and I can do something of my choice without any interruption in between.

3) Indulge in food : Another remarkable thing which surprised me was that I had forgotten how to enjoy food. I just realised my favourite food and instead of spending time in the kitchen, I ordered food from my favourite restaurant and enjoyed it.

4) Focus on work : I was attending a daily 8 hour training session and when i used to come back home, I was all exhausted but I could rest without any external forces acting upon me and I was again charged up after taking a short nap. I didn't have to prepare dinner for anyone and ate what I liked. Sometimes I even had some sandwich and tea for dinner which was all OK for me.

5) Recharge myself : Yes, This is so true. I invited my best friend and she came over to me place for the weekend and I had most chilled out weekend ever. I relaxed and pampered myself, spent some time just doing nothing and had hearty talk with my friend.

6) Last but not the least, I became more compassionate with my husband and Son. I wanted to have some Me quality time and when I got that, I was equally concerned about the well being of my husband and son. I cherish their presence in my life even more now.

Volunteering - Changed the Outlook towards LIFE

As I entered the training room, I saw people across all age groups. I was little apprehensive but a lot excited to meet new people. I greeted my trainer and she asked me to take a seat. As I sat I looked around. I saw a group of youngsters chatting and laughing with each other. There was a quiet lady sitting on my left who looked like in her mid thirties. There wast another lady with white hair and wearing a crisp starched cotton saaree and later I got to know that she is a retired English teacher and currently pursuing a long distance course on counselling.  There was another girl who was in her mid twenties who had just quit her job as head of marketing and now she started to write a book and was learning spanish..

I just realised that this is not going to be a regular training course. But these 8 days of training are going to change my outlook towards the life. And today when I am writing this, its already been 4 days of training. Now everyone is more comfortable with each other and everyone is so amazed with each other. The best part of this training programme is that nobody is here because of good salary or a good job position. But because every one wants to do this job by  heart and everyone wants to contribute to the society. All the people right here are from different professions and have different outlook towards life maybe, but one thing unites them all and that is - Compassion. And I am proud of myself to be a part of this group.

When I read about Teach India 2 years ago, I immediately knew that I have to do it but could not due to some travel pre plans. Last year I totally forgot about it and this year when I read about the summer cycle, I had already started working full time. But I had to quit the job due to some reasons and I finally got a chance to volunteer to teach the underprivileged youth to get them employed.

As I started with the training and I am already half way through it, I am more determined to commit to 100 days of teaching. I feel responsive to the society and I am proud to be one of very few who are contributing towards the society without expecting anything in return. 

I am not mean and selfish If I want to stay alone for a while - MOM

As I say goodbye to my husband who is travelling to his home town along with our kid, I am left alone in the house. I get some butterflies in my tummy but thats alrite. He didn't want to leave me alone and wanted me to go along with him but that was not possible because of my particular commitments. 

Was I feeling left alone? Sad?   No!!!!

I was really happy and looking forward to those days all alone at home. I will live my life all over again and will explore myself. 

Mums who express their feelings to have their own ME time are often looked down upon. We tend to hear these kind of comments "Doesn't she care about her kid", "Oh!! she is  so selfish. She is only thinking about herself".

But I feel, If a woman thinks about only herself, she would rather never give birth to babies. Now, when a woman has a baby to take care of, she will do it with all selfless love. Being a mum myself, I know how was the first year. There was no schedule for me. I was taking breakfast in afternoon time and lunch at dinner. And of course, there was no time for dinner. After some time, the woman goes insane. So it is very crucial for a mum to take a break, explore herself, indulge in hobbies and have all alone Me Time. Of course, as I am enjoying my Me Time now.

Me time helps a mum to slow down the otherwise active and charged pace of life. It helps her to bring her mind to calmness and serenity. A mum can actually restore her lost energy and is ready to bang on after a short break.

Being on a break for few days doesnt make her less of a mum. It doesnt brings down the love and affection for her babies. Instead she is very secure with her feelings. She will be more responsive to her children if she is content.